A few months ago my husband lost his job. He’s been looking and we’ve been praying that the Lord would provide for us–an we’ve believed He will provide. In the last week or so, there has been a trickle of fear and doubt and desperation leaking in. All insurance and paychecks end in two weeks. Voices–both internal and external–have murmured in our ears and hearts: “How are you going to make your mortgage?” “You’re going to be desperate in a couple of weeks.” “Nothing you’re doing has worked yet.” “What’s going to happen next?”
We took our eyes off the Lord and looked at the wind and the waves.
Instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus, we’ve been fretting and worrying about everything.
We’ve second guessed every decision we’ve ever made in my husband’s career.
We’ve been running around anxiously, adding more and more and more things to do to try to fix this situation.
Something happened this morning. I read this post by Kate Estes. The world that had been spinning around at breakneck speed in fear, slowed down, then stopped and righted itself. The peace that passes all understanding, that sustained me these past six months and I had pushed out the back door of my heart and head a couple of weeks ago was back. The voices of fear and doubt ceased, turned off with a click, like turning off a radio.
Either God is sovereign or He is not. We choose to believe He is. He is not surprised by our situation. By the world’s economy, it does look desperate. By God’s economy, it’s just getting to the point where He can step in and get the glory, instead of it making us look good. There are no promises in the Bible that even if you abide by all of Dave Ramsey’s principles, you will never have money problems and everything will be OK. It’s not in there. I checked–and I love Dave Ramsey! There are only promises that He will be with us and guide us. Even if we have to sell our house and live in my parents’ basement. Again.
I refuse to live in fear of what might happen. I will continue to work extra shifts. My husband will continue to look for work, send out resumes, and meet people with job leads. None of that has changed. What has changed, what has re-righted itself is our attitude. The fear is gone. The desperation is gone. We are walking in confidence that God is in control and He is taking care of us, no matter what happens. No matter how it looks to the world. I can’t wait for the day when I can tell you how God has taken care of us and all this. Until then, we walk in an attitude of humility and quiet faith that His ways are not our ways.